Billie Eilish’s debut EP ‘dont smile at me’ instantly put her on the radar. The 9-track album contained some instant hits such as “party favor,” “bellyache,” “hostage” and “COPYCAT.” When most of her songs were focused on talking about her experiences from the world, rather eerily, “
Released on July 21, 2017, “idontwannabeyouanymore” is yet again produced by Billie’s brother-FINNEAS. Himself and Billie together wrote the lyrics for this song. This song is still to-date one of the most beloved tracks by Billie Eilish.
“I really, really, really, really hate myself,” starts off Billie Eilish explaining the inspiration and meaning behind “
“It’s so annoying to feel like this, all the time,” continues Billie Eilish. “And it’s like if someone’s like ‘oh god, you’re so annoying, you fall apart so much, you’re so f*cking sad all the time,’ and I’m like ‘I know! I have to be in this b*tch all the time. Like I’m aware of how annoying it is.”
Watch “idontwannabeyouanymore” Music Video by Billie Eilish
In a nutshell, this song by Billie is about how she lacks the confidence to appreciate herself. She has grown up to be a moody person, who breaks apart inside–twice a day, and she prefers not to be. With Genius, she talked about her depression as well;
“Even though I have a great life with many wonderful things in it, I have still dealt with depression. ‘idontwannabeyouanymore’ is about times I’ve felt this way. The real truth is that depression can happen to anyone no matter who you are or what you have and there is NO SHAME to admitting that you feel this way.”Billie Eilish/Genius
Lyrics Review and Song Meaning of “idontwannabeyouanymore”
As we see in the music video above, Billie Eilish is talking to herself in the mirror. She wishes she did not break apart, not once, but twice a day. This could be due to depression, frustration or any other emotional turmoil she is going through. Mind that Billie was just 15-years-old when she wrote and performed this song. Hence, all the internal and external pressures of teenage life was affecting her as well.
She wishes that she could feel what she says. This means that if somebody asks ‘how are you?’ our usual response would be ‘i’m okay’ or ‘i’m good.’ Billie would love to actually feel like that. But she does not, inside.
Her ‘mood’ is something of a burden to her now. There could be many reasons affecting her mood swings. She wishes she could get rid of them. But she knows her too well and knows that it’s a part of her.
In the chorus of “idontwannabeyouanymore,” Billie talks about some of the pressures originating from the society being a celebrity. She talks about how models have to go through endless pains including starvation, harsh exercise routines, makeup, surgeries etc to maintain their public appearance. The tears that they have shed in the process could fill swimming pools.
More on the same topic; the misconception of how clothing defines your personality. All of these affects a singer as well. Billie Eilish, for her own good, almost always wears fully covered and baggy clothes.
“I love you” is a phrase thrown around quite lightly in the modern days. Even self-love has become quite meaningless. To love yourself truly is to prevent yourself from being put down as well. So, considering what Billie feels about herself, there is no self-love going on. Maybe she has said that she loves herself countless times infront of the mirror. She has broken her oath.
In the second verse of “idontwannabeyouanymore,” Eilish talks about how she is getting used to the idea of being broken. Getting ‘cold’ is a reference to losing emotions. And when you lose emotions, the pain does not affect you that much. How is she prone for so much despair? Is she made from a broken mould? These lines are powerful!
Billie has endured all sorts of emotional pains from her childhood, growing up. She cannot seem to shake them off. Maybe she is thinking it would be better to get accustomed to them than forcing them off. The reasons and the way out, if any, is only known to Billie Eilish. No one else can can help her. But seems as if she has not figured it yet.
Under the soft vocals and melodious tune of “idontwannabeyouanymore” lies a deeper and a sadder meaning drawn straightly from Billie’s life.
Let us know what you think about this song from Billie’s debut EP when she was 15-years-old. Do you have a different interpretation of the lyrics? Can you relate? Let us know in the comments below.
Complete Lyrics to “idontwannabeyouanymore” by Billie Eilish